I did not think that Love That Was Meant for Me is going to reflect my personal development as much when I started writing it. Being a Licensed Relationship Therapist, I have seen many relationships fall apart, not because there was no love, but there was no self-love. We pursue love, approval and energy, we forget that our love starts with ourselves.
Nowadays I assist clients all over the world in regaining the inner strength in trauma therapy, CBT couples counseling services, and sincere emotional work. The book itself is more or less a reflection of those lessons–ever a page is a reminder that being a person who makes personal choices is not a selfish thing to do; it is a sacred one.
The Mirror of Self-Love
During counseling I tend to pose the following questions: Do you love yourself as you want someone to love you?
Most people pause. They understand that they have been extending love to other people that they have never extended to themselves.
Self-love is not a bath or a day off but a personal responsibility. It is being able to forgive oneself on what one did not know before having known better. I experienced the effects of shame and guilt that make us misrelate with pleasure when I was an online relationship coach. Mending commences once we forget how to judge and learn to be curious once more.
The initial teaching in Love That Was Meant for Me is that you should see yourself without any filters or fear. It is that clarity that you depend on in relationships, work and life.
You Teach Other People the Way to Love You
All limits that you create, or do not create, become a mute’s guide to the way other people treat you.When you love yourself, you do not start begging to be given breadcrumbs of love. You get an attraction from partners to see you in your place because you no longer accept less.
In case you have experienced heartbreak, it is best to keep in mind that boundaries are not walls. They are bridges that save your tranquility but only allow those who have the ability to receive you with respect.
Messy – But Necessary: Healing
The recovery process is not linear and it is cyclic. Some days are good and some days are bad. However, with trauma therapy, I have come to associate all triggers as teachings. It indicates what is still painful, what you still have to look into.
My clients exhibit emotional flashbacks; in these cases, I remind them our brain replicates pain to enable them to rewrite the ending. It is not a mission to forget the past, it is a mission to regain power over the past.
Self-love appears as the compassion to the part of yourself who has no clue how to deal with something as yet. It is having the hand of your inner child in the storm, not acting that it never rained.
Relationships Reflect Upon Your Healing
When you are nervous, you may invite evasiveness. You may need to cling when you too fear being abandoned. However, as you start to become well, you no longer recycle the same cycles.
I assist couples through CBT couples counseling services to become aware of such patterns and to learn to respond rather than react. You are taught to stop and think before you speak. You reply, not an eye for an eye. It is the true art to be emotionally mature.
Pleasure is Power
Sex is associated with validation by many people and not connection. That is why, much of my work in relationship therapy in India and other countries is due to reframing pleasure as self-expression.
It is not indolence to take pleasure–it is personification. Once you resume relating to your body, you resume relating to the truth. Intimacy is an authentic place of not acting but of being whether it is sensual touch, mindful breathing or honesty.
You begin to revolutionize generational repression when you are willing to be so much yourself that you can stand to say that you desire. You enter into a conscious, related and complete love.
Selecting Yourself Is Not Selfish
The most dramatic situation during therapy is usually the time when a client eventually declares, I am over with betraying myself.That’s when healing begins.
Selecting oneself can appear as leaving a relationship where one partner is not pulling his/her weight, saying no to a job that is exhausting, or even having a day off when the rest of the world expects you to be productive.
The revolution that transforms it all is self-love. Once you celebrate your limits, your vitality, and your needs, all other relationships, romantic, familial, or professional, start to speak to your truth.
You Are the Love You Are Looking For
At the time I started as a relationship coach in India, I had no idea that it would resonate with the world. But love and pain are the same words in all the languages.
It can be in Manhattan or in Mumbai, the message is the same, you are the love you are seeking. Each kind deed, forgiveness and honesty towards yourself is another dimension of your healing.This is why Love That Was Meant for Me is not just a book, it is a call to go home.
A New Chapter of Love
Love that is supposed to be made to you will not request you to diminish. It will not leave you wondering about your value. It will be tranquil, rather than acting.
When you are willing to start that adventure, I want to encourage you to read Love That Was Meant for Me – right now on Amazon. Be it mending a broken heart, finding intimacy again or trying to find emotional equilibrium, this book will assist you to reestablish a connection to the most significant relationship you ever had and that is with yourself.
And in case you need more help, I also provide the service of trauma therapy and CBT couples counseling services to people and couples worldwide. Collectively, we will be able to bridge the gap between what you have been and what you can be.
Get more thoughts and healing resources and talk about emotional intimacy and empowerment with me on Instagram and on Youtube.
