Love was more of a show to me, something to display, something to retain.However, with therapy, heartbreak, and reflections, I was able to discover real love where pretending stops.
I am Shai C, a relationship coach and Licensed couple and individual Therapist who has dealt with individuals in New York City up to Mumbai. My practice will be a combination of mindfulness and trauma therapy to assist individuals and couples shift their response to awareness.
It is to this that Love That Was Meant for Me was written, to make one understand something new of love, of a love that is based upon Self-Awareness, rather than upon self-sacrifice.
How We Sabotage the Love We Want
Self-sabotage does not have its source in ill will, but in fear.
Fear of being left. Fear of being seen. Fear of repeating pain.
During my CBT couples counseling services, I observe how people reject the love they desire, yet they are not ready to feel that they deserve it, therefore. They back away, give too much or loyalty rather than expressing need.
All the avoidance, all the arguments, all the silences are the same old survival strategy that is being reenacted. Naming the change is the first move towards change.
Self-Awareness Is the Antidote
When I am approached with the best couple therapy in USA situations, I pose a simple question to the client: what are you actually afraid of?
Awareness is liberation. It puts back the discussion to choice.
You can stop and then repeat the pattern once you are able to see it.
In Love That Was Meant for Me, I lead a reader to put the self-criticism in its place in favor of curiosity. Rather than posing the question, why do I always ruin things? attempt, “I shall defend myself against what?”
Listening Without Implying Accusations
The problem with most couples is that they do not lack love, but listening.
Defensiveness is a kind of self-defense that prevents comprehension.
In the CBT couples counseling services, I educate couples to listen attentively rather than speak ill about each other. Love doesn’t need a winner. It requires two individuals who have a desire to speak the truth as long as it hurts.When you put down your guard you begin relating. The new grammar of love.
Body Language and Emotional Safety
Our mouths open before our bodies speak. Being an online realtionship coach, I assist clients in interpreting those signs — the suspended breath, the clenched jaw, the fidgety hands.
I observe that unspoken fear is in posture in relationship therapy in India and the world.
Once partners know how to breathe in unison, touch consciously, and speak in a comforting way, then intimacy turns into anxiety instead of ease.
Words do not create emotional safety. It is constructed by smooth, steady being.
Unlearning Control
I have over years associated control with safety. I assumed that I would not get hurt in case I could forecast. But love cannot breathe in moderation.
During the trauma therapy, I learned that release and not restraint are the means of building trust. Selecting consciousness instead of managing implies letting individuals demonstrate to you what they are. It is listening to your intuition — listening to your intuitive voice, but not to it screaming.
Substituting Discrimination with Empathy
Self-awareness is not self-criticism; it is more self-compassion.
As soon as you know what triggers you, you quit blaming yourself.
Being the best marriage counselor, I advise clients that shame kills growth. Compassion melts it. It is impossible to evolve by being in self-attack.
All your mistakes are data — information that will point you to healthier selection and improved communication.
Speaking Love in Action, Not Apology
We have been trained to express love by the use of words.
But love is eloquence in action — fidelity, sympathy, hard work.
When you are aware, apologies will become accountable.
You do not say anymore I am sorry to keep peace, you change behavior to make peace.
Such a change is establishing a relationship based on trust rather than tension.
Consciousness Makes Love Sustainable
Self-awareness does not act as an easier way out of relationships. It makes them real.
It shows what is working, what is lacking and what is yet to be healed.
In Love That Was Meant for Me I state that the support of intimacy is awareness.
It allows two individuals to meet anonymously — without masks — to love each other as equals, not as caretakers.By knowing yourself, you can now tell someone about you.
Summary: Love as Conscious Practice
The new lingo of love is the truth told in a sweet way. It is honesty with no embarrassment, want without trepidation, self-respect without estrangement.
Love That Was Meant for Me might be your guide in case you are willing to unlearn your self-sabotage and pay attention.It is addressed to everyone who is picking up after being lost, lost love or lost voice.
I provide therapies towards trauma therapy, CBT couples counseling services and customized sessions as an online relationship therapy and counseling in India and other countries.
We will all make an awareness transformation. Get more thoughts and healing resources and talk about emotional intimacy and empowerment with me on Instagram and on Youtube.
